Amour-Fou♥Net

Last night, I had a series of incredibly disturbing dreams.

Two of them were unpleasant, but not unprecedented–one of narrowly dodging assault, and one of everything being covered in large maggots, and maggots being inside & under everything. ( ) The first is pretty typical dream fare, and the second reflects my fear of bugs and is also pretty typical, so though they disturbed me, they did not shock me.

The third dream, though, was like so effing fucked up.

First off, I had a baby. The details weren’t really covered, I just all of a sudden had a baby. But thing is, the baby wasn’t a normal human baby, it was a tiny little finger-sized, finger-shaped thing that had a tiny cute baby face and the consistency of firm jello, or jello-y soap.

I carried it on my finger. Then it got submerged in some substance, which wasn’t a problem (it was chocolate or something?), but then I went to wash the baby in a sink in a public bathroom, and while I was washing it, it broke into three pieces. A diagram, below:

As you can see from my ridiculously primitive drawing there, the baby broke into what I thought was two pieces, but then appeared to be three from a smaller piece. My first thought was to put it back together, but then I had this horrible moment where my stomach lurched and I realized that I had killed my child, and that what I had done couldn’t be undone.

To try and make it less horrible, I resolved that really, the baby wasn’t a baby–I went around referring to it as a zygote. Which, as a sidenote, is kind of hilarious because I haven’t used that word since 7th grade (never really took science since then).

So basically, WTF is going on in my head?

I feel like it would be easy to look at this and see some freaky anti-right-to-choose thing, but for the record I am and have always been staunchly pro-choice. And (despite me calling it a zygote) the baby in my dream wasn’t a fetus. It was a baby, it was just a really strange tiny baby. In the dream, though, it was normal for it to be that small.

Anyway, though, just thought I’d share. I have a lot of weird dreams, but rarely do I have a dream that leaves me so weirded out when I wake up, and when I do, I tend to blog about it. Interpretation suggestions are welcome.

For some reason I am so so incredibly tired. So I’m going to go to bed soon, but before I do, a quick blog post.

First off, thanks to all of y’all for your really insightful & thoughtful comments on my protect post of last week. It means a lot that you guys came through with real suggestions, etc. I’m feeling a little better now, though mostly I’m really really exhausted. And I miss Tom (who is currently in Bermuda with his family) and I miss my dog. Sigh. But things are okay…

For example! A couple days ago, I got something in the mail from Veronica, illustrator extraordinaire, for the Art for Five thing that I tagged myself in. First of all, snail mail makes me happy:

Second of all, the art itself, I expected to be awesome, but it is way more awesome even than that:

Alice in Wonderland?!?! My fave! Not only is this a gorgeous little painting, it can also be added to my Alice collection. Veronica, I officially want to be you when I grow up.

As for the peeps who are on MY Art for Five list, I will begin working on your stuff soon.

Otherwise,

I’ve mostly been watching season 5 of Angel, which is great because Spike is in it. (Sidenote: it is unhealthy the number of dreams I have about Spike per week. Sorry Tom!! ) Except that I have a nasty habit of accidentally-on-purpose looking up spoilers while in the middle of episodes. I really must stop doing that…

Also I’ve been becoming slowly (quickly?) addicted to Animal Crossing for DS, which I’m a little ashamed of because it’s usually considered a girl game and I don’t play that shit. BUT it is good. And I also just became addicted to Geometry Wars on DS, so it all evens out.

And on that note…

Oh, also I’ve been steadily working my way through Queen of the Damned, the third book in Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles series. Okay and here’s the thing: (First of all, the reason it’s taking me so long is because I’ve been reading books for review while also reading it. I’m not THAT slow a reader.) But also this book isn’t that good. I’m like more than halfway through, so I’ll finish it, but I think that’s it for me and Anne Rice. The way Rice describes Lestat (the vamp) and the modern world is just kind of… cheeseball? Yes that’s the word. I keep cringing when she describes his “rock music.”

Ok, goodnight now.