Last night, I had a series of incredibly disturbing dreams.
Two of them were unpleasant, but not unprecedented–one of narrowly dodging assault, and one of everything being covered in large maggots, and maggots being inside & under everything. (
) The first is pretty typical dream fare, and the second reflects my fear of bugs and is also pretty typical, so though they disturbed me, they did not shock me.
The third dream, though, was like so effing fucked up.
First off, I had a baby.
The details weren’t really covered, I just all of a sudden had a baby. But thing is, the baby wasn’t a normal human baby, it was a tiny little finger-sized, finger-shaped thing that had a tiny cute baby face and the consistency of firm jello, or jello-y soap.
I carried it on my finger. Then it got submerged in some substance, which wasn’t a problem (it was chocolate or something?), but then I went to wash the baby in a sink in a public bathroom, and while I was washing it, it broke into three pieces. A diagram, below:

As you can see from my ridiculously primitive drawing there, the baby broke into what I thought was two pieces, but then appeared to be three from a smaller piece. My first thought was to put it back together, but then I had this horrible moment where my stomach lurched and I realized that I had killed my child, and that what I had done couldn’t be undone.
To try and make it less horrible, I resolved that really, the baby wasn’t a baby–I went around referring to it as a zygote. Which, as a sidenote, is kind of hilarious because I haven’t used that word since 7th grade (never really took science since then).
So basically, WTF is going on in my head?
I feel like it would be easy to look at this and see some freaky anti-right-to-choose thing, but for the record I am and have always been staunchly pro-choice. And (despite me calling it a zygote) the baby in my dream wasn’t a fetus. It was a baby, it was just a really strange tiny baby. In the dream, though, it was normal for it to be that small.
Anyway, though, just thought I’d share. I have a lot of weird dreams, but rarely do I have a dream that leaves me so weirded out when I wake up, and when I do, I tend to blog about it. Interpretation suggestions are welcome.
I’m feeling a little better now, though mostly I’m really really exhausted. And I miss Tom (who is currently in Bermuda with his family) and I miss my dog. Sigh. But things are okay…



